Thursday, January 27, 2011

My One Flaw

I believe that when you surrender your life to God you become a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and in many ways you still are being created. My one flaw is that by nature I'm a smart-aleck. I've been blessed with this gift of saying something then inserting foot right after. However, today was a day that I wish I wasn't tired and had a little more self-restraint.

I had to go through the last step of being "badged" as a UPS employee working at the airlines. This badging process takes you through so many things. Including spending time with your friendly and oh so delightful TSA agents.

This quaint little woman with an obnoxious chewing gum habit...ya know the chewing like a cow chomping on it's cud...handled my paperwork. As she's wiping some dribble off the paper she notices that my employer accidentally put an extra "e" in my middle name. This set off a red flag, at least in her mind. She ended up quadruple checking my drivers license and social security card. Once that episode was over I was sent to a viewing room where we'd watch an "informative but not meant for you to know everything" video.

After watching this 20 min. video guess who comes in but our wonderful Dentyne crackin' TSA agent. She hands us paperwork with the "highlights" of the video. She proceeds to tell us everything we heard in our 20 min. video only with the added 3D rain effect.

When she finished the verbal portion she went to spit out her gum. I figured we were done so I began to sign my paperwork. Unlucky for me that wasn't what was next on the agenda. She shouts from near the trash can, while unwrapping another piece of gum, "Excuse me sir, don't sign anything yet. I haven't given you those instructions."

Right after that she had to give me the "tsk tsk naughty naughty" look while inserting her fresh undefiled piece of gum. Then proceeding she gave us the instructions, "Sign where it says sign and print where it says print and do not forget to date."

Since we were having such a pleasant time I asked her to repeat those instructions. Since 2 seconds earlier she yelled at me for DOING the very thing she told us to do. Everyone else thought it was funny.

I once again got the "look". So as I was inserting my foot she once again began to insert some gum. She must have forgot that she was already masticating a piece. She asked if I thought I was funny. My reply, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't". Right after that she was called to the other room and we were dismissed. Lucky for the both of us because I was running out of feet and she was running out of gum.

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